Really didn’t matter anymore. She hardly thought of him even though it was a losing battle. He danced in her thoughts daily if only as a passing glimpse. At nights when she stared at the empty pillow next to her the silence hung over the bed. It always ended up with her rolling onto her back and running one hand over her hair while sighing sadly. It was another day tomorrow and another mile of distance between them. The nights were the hardest with fire crackling against the darkness. Not much to do but think.
A cold bed and empty pillows always ready for her to lay her troubles out. Mead, mead, mead…would it kill her to get some beer now and then. By the Gods, she missed his bantering, those stupid songs he would sing each day and his face…she missed looking at him. She turned to look at the half-empty mead bottle that sat quietly on her nightstand. Somehow the warm liquid knew when she needed it the most as candlelight softly reflected in the bottle. She didn’t need that tonight. She only needed one thing…one person and she couldn’t even help herself. But everyone else sure needed her help. They all wanted it, refusing to even like her unless she aided them and some never would even after doing their bidding. Still they never knew that all she wanted and needed was him.
Another request for help was held in her hand, crumpled and tightly held in disgust that she removed from the nightstand. Bishop knew how to say no but he lacked manners anyway. Nikolai would have helped with no questions asked. It’s what you do when asked, help the needy, give to the poor and never look back at what was.
“It will never look the same.” Nikolai told her one evening at the campfire. “Or be the same.”
He was wrong. It was the same today as it was two years ago when she first saw him.
She left him in Falkreath with the rest of the idiots that traveled with her. He was married anyway to Vilja, at least that’s what they said. Must be true. Stupid Vilja and her ‘I’m so scared to travel alone’ pleads. “Have your husband lead you by those pigtails!”, she thought angrily. He was an ex-bandit anyway and now he can add ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-follower to his resume. She was done with him and if only her heart would agree to this life would be good.
She blew the candle out that brought complete darkness in the room. Tomorrow was just another day and she needed sleep if she was going to answer the call for help. Of course, she would answer it…a few hours free of him from her mind was worth the effort. Skyrim and the bandit hunting will just have to wait..